Friday, March 26, 2004


Little Debbie - Cake WhoreFolks – I never would have thought that something as simple as a snack cake could bring so much joy to my heart. It all started in the outskirts of that quaint village of Lake Placid, NY. The male clan makes its pilgrimage to the Ausable River each year in search of some fly fishing and over all a week of unabashed debauchery and idiocy. Good ‘ol Uncle Armand got us gents a great deal up there by locking in a low low rate for lodging and meals. Those meals included a stipend for a daily breakfast, a big ‘ol dinner and most particular to this story a bag lunch complete with sandwich, fruit and yup, you guessed it – a snack cake.
Now, this snack cake varied from day to day – but most usually it took the form of those oatmeal cookie and crème sandwiches. Most yummy. Of course, none of these guys were the dieting type so the cakes were instantly recognized as the work of our baking icon Little Debbie.
LDBMCIt is also common knowledge that the level of maturity is inversely proportional to the number of men gathered in one place. Since we had half a platoon of drinking bucks engaged in what was considered to be a “manly” activity, any mention of a female in any form was instantly degraded to simple perversion.
Enter poor Little Debbie. She never knew (and never will, thanks to simply being a corporate icon/logo) what abusive language and references she would endure from this gang of hooligans, and still does. LDBMCI can’t pass by her shelf at Shop-Rite without adding the extra suggestive remark when saying her name. Poor Deb got caught in the middle of a male contest of wills and dander, as we all would taunt each other with the crudest of insults, and use whatever we had at our disposal as fuel for further displays of adolescent offences. With Little Debbie around, you can only imagine how she was put to service to meet the needs of our desires of achieving Alpha male status. Each one of her cakes were labeled forever onwards as a symbol of that day’s tomfoolery. Yes – they were now the Little Debbie Blow Me Cakes.
LDBMCGo ahead – say it out loud. It’s so crude you might not get it right the first time. Of course – you ladies out there probably won’t be able to. It’s just not right. Guys – deep down you’re chuckling because it’s so stupid your y chromosome takes over and makes you laugh.
I gave the kids a LDBMC last night for dessert. The kids, just like poor Deb, are too innocent.


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